nine inch nails

he was struggling to walk, with heavy snow on the roads. there was just miles of white snow everywhere he looked. you could hardly see the road, just a mix of the white and the tar color at the surface. cars moving along in a slow line with headlights on, and again white snow coloring their otherwise shiny surfaces. the pavements were completely in snow and there was not a inch of grass visible. the trees looked as if they had white leaves , and as he passed the houses he realized the almost eerie scene with no living being venturing out. the snow falling didnt add any romantic notion that was just in the movies he guessed. one could see man and woman playing oh so very beautifully in the swiss alps and throwing the cute snowballs at each other. he realized he was in the kingdom of whiteness.
it was cold , bitter cold and he was doing his best to hide his face in the jacket. the leather jacket kept him warm , the thick shoes kept his feet warm and the thick jeans kept his legs warm. but for so long, before a cold sensation would creep along his legs and spread his body. he would shiver and for sometime he would feel a little warm and then again the cold would spread. his vision was blurred by the snow falling, on his eyes and he just opened them .. just enough so that he could see what lay right in front of him, whether the path continued inspite of the snow.
he was feeling the cold inside him, deep inside him. he realized just like after a very bitter disappointment and one gets over it , there is like coldness inside. keeping his head downwards and walking straight , he still had a while to go before he reached the warmth of his home. at such times he would start thinking , what hurt him more .. the incident itself or thinking about it in such a time. hurt due to failed expectations, hurt due to losing a certain happiness , a certain comfort. it comes back right , the expectations that one has which builds with each successful event finally giving away to the coup de grace. it falls apart and staring in horror at a time gone wrong in every possible way. one is just left with the pieces of shattered what-could-have-beens or just a lingering memory that will fade away. and many times it doesnt .. it stays right there in front of the mind. not the details , just the overall picture. feeling helpless even though one had every resource to command, feeling so fricking helpless probably lying in the bed every morning made sense.
humans always try to reason out events , try to explain things ... finding a logical explanation that always fits the sequence of events. however it might not be right, there might be no reason at all too but we are driven to reason , understand irrespective of it being true.
and falling in that cycle is dangerous , really more so when he felt bitterly hurt.
one gets hurt or is content due to expectations,
having expectations is something natural .. drawing the line is not.

nine inch nails singing hurt , such an amazing song again !!

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way