the differences

he was smiling and laughing but certain things dont feel the same way. experiences of certain people last and create deep impressions that sometimes everything else lack the intensity that it had.
he was better , way better than before. things had gone from good to bad to worse in a space of one month ! he walked the silent roads to his home. the memories evoked no pangs of sadness, the absence evoked no emotions .. it was like it was a distant event the mere existence could only be in writing. and even the knowledge of the fact that those things might never enter his life made him totally indifferent. it was okay, it was not worth the effort that he had to put in. the realization which came so late that he regretted the entire effort !
but but there is always a but. he looked at the sun which now replaced the cold weather and snow. suddenly everything seemed so bright and colorful and full of life ! he wanted to be part of that life .... but thoughts pulled him back to the old world.
his head felt heavy , the significance of those events couldn't be altered.
as he kept walking he could remember only one thing .. always only one thing .. the laughter for his jokes. the joy it evoked in his heart. why was he at blame ? why was he at blame for starting that fateful thing !? he could not ever understand. and do all people evoke the same kind of emotions for the same kind of reactions. why was it that he felt better looking at that person smile rather than anyone else. previously his head pained but now he felt at peace with those thoughts, no longer guilty. he could think, forget and it just remained for what it was. there were no more explanations required , no more explanations to be given .....