Sunday, August 09, 2015

be the dream

was he waging a losing battle ? fighting against all the odds. it was his dream. he didn't know if he could let it go ? he was not sure if it was that important at all, his dream .. his thought whatever one could call it. was it so important that he had to resist to live the life of a normal human being as defined within the borders of his society. what is dream after all, a figment of an imagination ... an illusion of the mind probably ... formed in an instant by some irrational reaction to a abnormal event ... dreams , is it worth the sacrifice ? is satisfaction of ones own personal selfish dreams above human relationships really a solution ? he had no answers.

he didn't have an option. he didn't know if he had an option. he didn't know if he could have an option.

what did the conflict within him arise from ? from what really ? he underestimated the impact of the overwhelming influence one can have from his peers. to conform. to be normal. not be an outlier.

he took the seat at the restaurant .. he looked at it from his window always. mite restaurant , seemed good sushi. never tried it. bathing in the warm sunshine his eyes were on the small little boy in front of him trying to ride a bicycle. if only he could be as ignorant as the small boy and life be so simple as the bicycle .. he would start over a thousand times everytime he fell of the bicycle.

it was a sacrifice. he didn't understand who is making the sacrifice. him. them. if only knew it would be easier. he was on the verge of making the jump into the league ... something that he always ever wanted. change the world. he was not satisfied with incremental progress in non consequential domain. he was just away from grasping the opportunity that can change the world. how long could he fight the feeling inside him.

a voice interrupted him , "can i get you something , have you decided on what you want to eat ?". he smiled. he had no clue actually. he smiled sheepishly and replied "how does one know what one wants ? ".... "you look lost and maybe you don't know what you want, but truly you knew it before even coming here ... look within yourself and you will find it , just be it." she replied. 

Sunday, July 12, 2015

the masked stories

he wrote but with a dread. there was nothing else he could write about, it was always the same thing .. the same thing. but he dreaded if someone would read it and read him.

from his words , his stories. he didn't want to give that joy , give that satisfaction that his writing meant something. it did , but it shouldn't.

he masked it into layers and layers of deception. only he could peel through it. maybe this too.

he wanted to reveal it only if it was revealed to him. it doesn't work that way.

space time paradox

he sat there in disbelief. not much of disbelief but of silent disappointment. he thought the timing would be right , little did he realize that he would lose in space.

there is a thing about space time uncertainity that is applicable to everything in life and universe. is it only at the sub atomic level or even the neurons in our brain or the perception itself ... or even emotions.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

dance of the heavens

the snow covered all that your eyes could set sight on. for miles and miles you could only see some trees in between this infinite sheet of pristine white clad mountains. if one lay still waiting to catch the sound of something, anything one would be disappointed. the pitch darkness enveloped much of the surroundings in its mystery waiting for that momentary lapse of reason to showcase its minute of breathtaking beauty. he lay still , breathing slowly and looking into the infinite star studded sky that had taken him by surprise this moment. the coldness of the environment slowly seeped into his thick boots , through his socks and into his skin. numbing his body slowly it made him aware of the hostile conditions in which beauty existed.

ahoy he heard the call to enter back into the tent. he stood up slowly , looking at the light green envelope on the sky playing with his eyes. he trudged his way in those heavy jacket slowly across into the tent. a bright fire with 10 eyes on him welcomed him into the tent. taking of his gloves and cap he clasped the hot tea like everyone else was drinking to warm their chill bones. the conversation reverberated in this wooden tent as he made sense of the day so far ... slowly and then scream, its here he heard. as if on a cue everybody got up to populate the cold exteriors.

as he emerged the vision filled his two tiny eyes. what was before just a pale green vision in the sky was now a shimmering green curtain sprayed across the canvas of sky. as he made his way to a vantage point , his eyes were fixated at the vision above him. it was just surreal, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. the sky lit up all the way to the top with colors of green and a tinge of red at the bottom. and slowly as if to show off what it can do with much pride , the arcs of green patterns started dancing in the sky. the lights were shimmering and parallel curtains formed all over the sky. a green arc formed from one end of the horizon to the other. the arcs radiantly patterened dynamically , never still for a single moment. like the flames lit on a match, these green flames embered by the gods sang to the humans.

he sat slowly on the cold thick sheet of hard snow, sinking to his knees and lied on his back. the black canopy forming the background to the strokes of the brush held in the hand of god. he didnt dare think of anything else , no words formed in his mind to describe this sight. the patterns ebbed and flowed, grey green and a border of red. slowly it faded, receding its magic. the last strokes not as bright but bringing the symphony to an end in a flourish.

Monday, December 29, 2014

just why .. not

let me tell you right away that there is nothing romantic about sitting on the floor outdoors in the cold night of a distant land clasping your cellphone close to your eyes so that the charge wouldnt run out. it feels like a unique moment of disaster waiting to happen, but you rather have it happen.

that was the situation that our man here, lets call him mr.D found himself. mr.D was your run of the mill guy. average looks , a sheepish grin but with a quality unique that might not exist in an human being where he is from. mr.D managed to combine a suave charm into his intelligent wit along with some dance moves thrown into for good measure. mr.D though was a prisoner to his moods and the contemplative fits of reflections that made him the whiny little bitch he can be sometimes.

so thats where you found yourself at the end of the night mr.M his friend asked him. mr.D not taking his eyes off from the monitor on which he had displayed the girls picture nodded vigorously. mr.M looked at mr.K and they both sighed at the unique helpless situation that mr.D found himself in.

lets recount the events shall we mr.M said. wait a minute, interrupted mr.K, D why dont you repeat it in the style of yours.

it was dark, sometimes everything was a blur sometimes and it was not, explained mr.D. he continued, i was there in my element you know .. nothing special but just in that moment. my head was alright but i was feeling a little more happy than usual. it was something about that city really, it was so enthusiastic or just such a nice friendly feeling. like nothing there could hurt me. i could be all stupid and be the brat and yet safe as a poodle. mr.D stopped and took a sip of water. mr.M slightly irritated, get on with it and lets get it done with. okay mr.patient mr.D said. well and then all of a sudden she appeared in my horizon, in the corner of my eyes. as with everything in life you get distracted from whats most important in life. her friend i am guessing shook my hand but left me immediately much to my dismay. i was distraught strictly in a dramatical sense. and then she appeared right in the center of my view. and i for no apparent reason talked to her for a bit , remarking how her friend left me high and dry. then it hit me, it struck me. this is it. the glint in her eye, the smile on her lips and the hair across her forehead captured all the five senses within me. it was like the most natural thing for me to say. would you dance with me, and with a shy agreeable shake in her head she gave me her hand. taking her hand i would lead her into the most engrossing dance i managed to. i forgot about everything around me , because it was only her that filled my field of view. i dont know about her, but the smile on her face conveyed that i should not stop dancing like the way i did. it was fun, we laughed and we shared conversations across that loud dancefloor with our eyes. i knew this was incredibly unfair to me. mr.D looked at mr.M and mr.K and was satisfied with their attention capacities. unfair that this was my last night and i meet her. she went to talk to her friends for a bit. and i felt like the world just turned completely empty for me. i couldnt wait for her to come back and look at me and tell me its alright mr.D i think you are a swell guy. you are a swell guy whom i could fall in love with.

mr.M interrupted, well childlike imagination will only lead you into despair.

mr.D continued, then we went out. out into the unknown world of that distant land. i just followed her steps and i was glad to hear her speak. she said her english was not good, but does it really matter. she already won me over. i talked to her. i wanted to impress her. i wanted her to know everything about me. i wanted to know everything about her. she was so radiant, her smile making everything else around her like the faded flowers in fall. while she shone like a pretty princess in the night, not an arrogant one though .. she had it in her, the quality of a girl. i talked long into the night. about her. hearing her hopes and dreams, her sighs and laughs. and then the moment arrived. she left, she said she has to leave. but not like this i cried, are you going to leave me like this. she took my phone , wrote her name and ran away. and i couldnt believe my luck since my phone battery was at zero. well let me tell you there is nothing romantic about sitting outside on the floor in the cold.

just why .. not , mr.K asked his curiosity piqued.



Wednesday, November 26, 2014

the prime mover

siddique was puzzled. kamlesh was in quiet contemplation. the winds carried her words with even more force. she adjusted her white dupatta across her petite frame, standing straight she looked at their faces. the darkness slowly enveloped the expressions into a montage of curiosity. the leaves of the tree all around rustled in anticipation. she felt a surge of electricity enveloping her senses. she continued,

the culture of excess exists because its allowed to exist. the culture of consumerism and consumption is by-products of capitalism gone horribly wrong, capitalism is no longer used for whats it intended for. power has become more and more centralized in our democracy citing capitalism. democracy is based on will of the majority to elect peoples representatives who look out for the interests for the broader interest of the community where every single individual is a shareholder. but peoples representatives are now taken over by multinational corporations who have hijacked the interests of the larger sections of society to keep their own personal gardens safe and rich. in a country where more importance is given to the merits of an ipod than the problems associated with poverty and pollution, we should realize the democratic narrative is taken over by the corporation narrative. apple, microsoft, coco-cola while bringing some value to society are doing what they do to protect their self-interest. if apple was so interested in doing good for society why is it none of its products are open-source. anyways the companies originated where it originated from had a need, coco-cola did not originate in the united states when people were still in poverty. at that time the people there thought to improve basic necessities was more important. that should be the dialogue in the media here right now. not obessing ourselves with every gadget, every popular sub-culture of the world. why do people here who claim they want to do good for society not go to the improveished sections of society and tackle problems such as poverty and illiteracy head on. we can gain so much more and society can evolve so much more if only we organize ourselves collectively to prioritize decisions that matter to us .. to them , to people there on the streets. if and when we raise the majority of people to a standard where they dont worry about food, shelter and clothing should we prioritize armchair people sitting in airconditioned offices talking about doing good for society. gandhi said ...

be the change you want to see in the world completed siddique walking towards cristine.

kamlesh arched his eyebrows as he said , so you mean to say.

yes she said. lets resign from our jobs. lets stop living the way we do, in our ensconced shells of pleasure because talking about all this and doing what we do only seems hypocritical. lets organize people into self sustaining cooperatives who can look after themselves without being influenced by the narrow interests of the marketing media who feed us and shape what we want so that we think thats what we need. lets look at amul for inspiration, lets look at gandhi, kurien .. bring them to the people.

kamlesh looked at his watch. its almost time he thought. he looked at siddique, what about the others he asked. should we talk to them about this.

cristine said , i resigned from my job today. i already started the revolution.   

Friday, November 21, 2014

the evening sun

the culture of excess. thats what i abhor. i can go on and on how we are programmed, how society controls our actions and how we are so caught up in the worldly pursuit of things that we forget to live life .. just a little bit. we cant be completely happy and nor can we be perfect and nor there can be this perfect moment. life itself is an anamoly, if there was perfection there would be no evolution. we evolved to what we are today due to the anamoly, an accident. but the spirit of humankind is the attempt at perfection. the incremental progress that we strive for. the irony. life can be an accident, the law of large numbers. do you know that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing one is bound to reproduce the complete works of shakespeare.

and we feel or sometimes we are even made to feel that imperfection is what we need to seek to resolve. the lack of perfect happiness is why we wonder our life is empty. in an attempt to satisfy this need people look in the wrong direction. corporations are made to take advantage of this with the never ending products and things and stuff. we are made to believe that if we buy a thing that somehow magically our emptiness will disappear. its a self fulfilling prophecy albeit a temporary one. your car will not give you happiness, buying armani will not give you happiness , buying a house will not. again am not saying you dont need to have it , but thats not what we are looking for. look inside yourself, think and think and analyze. be at peace with yourself. love yourself. not in the self narcissism that people now exhibit.  its just impossible that life can be only about a house , car and some expensive clothes to wear. it cannot be an evolutionary goal.

kamlesh paused for a bit. cristine looked at him .. she wryly thought this was the same guy who thought perfection existed. that was him alright. the one who pined for utopia, perfection, this pure unadulterated feeling that humans are capable of. the primal , the emotion that is stripped of all the mascara at its most skeletal form. all the pretentiouness gone with the wind, just the sincere truth that is him. but he was still sincere, only he could never accept in the past that an utopian society didnt exist. he demanded the sky of his friends. even from her. maybe only from her and possibly siddique. but he was a child lost in a candyshop. and when she fell from those lofty standards he set , he was deeply hurt. she knew it. it was inevitable. she tried to explain it to him but he wouldnt listen. but now he had made peace with it. he resigned himself to it, but given his way he would want to design utopia.

siddique stood patiently listening to him. intellectualizing ideals that mattered not a bit for survival. he admired them but he knew it was only good to listen to it , revel in it. but then after they go back to their houses , the grind of life starts. you need to get a job, you need to earn money , you need to buy a house , you need to buy a car and so on. siddique realized the three of them are privileged, they didnt struggle for a house or food or education. yet the speech was profound and he would have his say later.

the evening sun was slowly winding up its journey into those orange skies. they burned like the passion with which kamlesh spoke. the cool breeze wrapped the three of them in a bond of invisible faith. kamlesh paced up and down the marbled floors of the building terrace. siddique rested against the grey wall with his arms folded as he looked at the distant sun. he wondered when it will stay always shining in his life. he felt alone without kamlesh and cristine. he knew kamlesh and cristine loved each other in the most pristine manner possible but that was also why they could not express it. he just hoped that it would not eventually destroy their friendship. cristine shifted her hair and she looked at the distant sun and hoped it would never set on her.

we should start a revolution. kamlesh was jolted by those words by cristine.
 


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

just another bygone day

like always siddique was ready with the equipment. the narrow streets were bustling with activity. kids all around playing the one and only game in india that could rock a nation into collective consiousness. cricket. followed by religious zeal, the sounds of ball hitting bat resonate as you walked across the tar paved street where kamlesh lived.

it was quite a sight. concrete buildings erected next to each other in a straight line on either sides of the street to hold the bustling metropolis, each with its small courtyard just perfect to hold the cricket pitch .. all of 22 yards. and thats where all the action happened late into the evening before the dark skies enveloped the city. there was hardly any traffic in this inner lane and the street was part of the playground. each building would host a game with kids from the neighboring building joining in.

but as always it was just siddique and kamlesh, on their turf matching their skills. kamlesh was a natural talent stroking the ball, fielding with energy and bowling like a madman. mostly it would be siddique charging in to kamlesh who would find the perfect placement. this was the only time that kamlesh would bully siddique with his unparalleled skills. and cristine would watch it from her terrace behind her science textbook. she would always long for something so that she too could be a part , sometimes she did .. but it was a mans game. she wanted to be part of their game, next to him part of his life. to get his attention she would always cheer siddique, she enjoyed getting under his skin.

crash .. bang. she was broken from her imaginary world. she saw kamlesh and siddique rushing away from the scene of the broken glass windows of the neighbour. she couldnt react. before she could go away, the neighbor appeared,

its kamlesh isnt it. you saw them playing here. tell me and ill make sure he never plays here.

oh no , i dont think so. i was here all this while but i dont know. there was no one playing here. its from the other side i think.

tell me the truth cristine, your dad will be angry if you lie.

cristine saw kamlesh winking at her from the corner of the wall. her heart skipped a beat.
with a smile she said,  no i am not. honestly there was no one here.

oh these kids, the exasperated neighbor went back to his evening dose of the reality show.

kamlesh and siddique slowly walked out.

thank you shouted siddique. cristine join us , we will play something different now right kamlesh.

kamlesh looked at her hoping his face wouldnt give it all away. allright only today cristine but i generally dont like to play girly games.

as she joined them , it was the familiar friendship and tales of gossip. the three musketeers slowly started their journey into life.