Parting one

He spoke on the phone like the good old days. Its called good old days for a reason .. he still remembered her walking into the room 15 years ago. A blue dress, hair to the side she was late to class. He couldnt take his eyes off her. In this world of instant gratification and vacillating beliefs, that was a world of precious few. Her smile, his first visit to her house, her tease, his incorrigible sarcasm. They thought they had a lifetime to play, to decide. In that world there was no tomorrow. There was a beauty to the naivety of it all.

One thinks there is a lot of time. So did he, so did she. But the 4 years, 48 months flew away in the winds of life. Days turned into weeks, turned into months and years. A trip here, and a walk there. A sense of beginning, a sense of comfort. Laughs, and complaints. Playful moments, stealing a glance. She always took his breath away. She was serene, calm, collected.  The months were spent in talking about sweet nothings, among serious grades, wanton movies .. there was a sense of more to come.

And then suddenly life decided to take charge. Decisions had to be made, life changing ones. There was no time for sweet nothings anymore. The straws slipped from the fingers as one tried in desperation to hold onto whats precious. Confused between the heart and mind. What one thought was freedom, was merely postponing the inevitable. Her eyes, her voice when she spoke to him. He decided to not hear them, the hidden plea. She knew it was her only chance. He knew that his chance just began. She looked forward to a barren land, he saw a field of grass. Hearts were broken, friendships tested and what remained was the sense to survive in the world outside the comfort of education.

It was time to get back to life, life comes as a circle. He found the barren land at the end of the field.

from ignorance is infinite

the true profoundness hit him. as he sat there , the snow covered miles in front of his window. The snowflakes danced to the tunes , from cosmos to the atoms .. the very existence manifested in that snowfall. He would himself up on the couch to understand what he understood, so that it never escaped him. not for a moment.

sitting there he went back to a time when it hit him once. briefly, for 3 days in a space created by accident not by design. he was not seeking for it then. But in hindsight he was a seeker. The first sign was when he felt at unease in a corporate boundary.

Enlightened I stood,
exposed by sheer ignorance.

The vanity of knowledge
and certainity
and rightfulness
is humbled by
sheer vastness of existence

In the middle i stand
of ignorance
I am anything but sad
Wrapped around is bliss
as the facade of me is broken

As i seek to know
realization dawns of the journey sofar
is not the end, but the beginning
of a journey to experience
life as life itself.
life, not life and that which is not.

be the dream

was he waging a losing battle ? fighting against all the odds. it was his dream. he didn't know if he could let it go ? he was not sure if it was that important at all, his dream .. his thought whatever one could call it. was it so important that he had to resist to live the life of a normal human being as defined within the borders of his society. what is dream after all, a figment of an imagination ... an illusion of the mind probably ... formed in an instant by some irrational reaction to a abnormal event ... dreams , is it worth the sacrifice ? is satisfaction of ones own personal selfish dreams above human relationships really a solution ? he had no answers.

he didn't have an option. he didn't know if he had an option. he didn't know if he could have an option.

what did the conflict within him arise from ? from what really ? he underestimated the impact of the overwhelming influence one can have from his peers. to conform. to be normal. not be an outlier.

he took the seat at the restaurant .. he looked at it from his window always. mite restaurant , seemed good sushi. never tried it. bathing in the warm sunshine his eyes were on the small little boy in front of him trying to ride a bicycle. if only he could be as ignorant as the small boy and life be so simple as the bicycle .. he would start over a thousand times everytime he fell of the bicycle.

it was a sacrifice. he didn't understand who is making the sacrifice. him. them. if only knew it would be easier. he was on the verge of making the jump into the league ... something that he always ever wanted. change the world. he was not satisfied with incremental progress in non consequential domain. he was just away from grasping the opportunity that can change the world. how long could he fight the feeling inside him.

a voice interrupted him , "can i get you something , have you decided on what you want to eat ?". he smiled. he had no clue actually. he smiled sheepishly and replied "how does one know what one wants ? ".... "you look lost and maybe you don't know what you want, but truly you knew it before even coming here ... look within yourself and you will find it , just be it." she replied. 

the masked stories

he wrote but with a dread. there was nothing else he could write about, it was always the same thing .. the same thing. but he dreaded if someone would read it and read him.

from his words , his stories. he didn't want to give that joy , give that satisfaction that his writing meant something. it did , but it shouldn't.

he masked it into layers and layers of deception. only he could peel through it. maybe this too.

he wanted to reveal it only if it was revealed to him. it doesn't work that way.

space time paradox

he sat there in disbelief. not much of disbelief but of silent disappointment. he thought the timing would be right , little did he realize that he would lose in space.

there is a thing about space time uncertainity that is applicable to everything in life and universe. is it only at the sub atomic level or even the neurons in our brain or the perception itself ... or even emotions.

dance of the heavens

the snow covered all that your eyes could set sight on. for miles and miles you could only see some trees in between this infinite sheet of pristine white clad mountains. if one lay still waiting to catch the sound of something, anything one would be disappointed. the pitch darkness enveloped much of the surroundings in its mystery waiting for that momentary lapse of reason to showcase its minute of breathtaking beauty. he lay still , breathing slowly and looking into the infinite star studded sky that had taken him by surprise this moment. the coldness of the environment slowly seeped into his thick boots , through his socks and into his skin. numbing his body slowly it made him aware of the hostile conditions in which beauty existed.

ahoy he heard the call to enter back into the tent. he stood up slowly , looking at the light green envelope on the sky playing with his eyes. he trudged his way in those heavy jacket slowly across into the tent. a bright fire with 10 eyes on him welcomed him into the tent. taking of his gloves and cap he clasped the hot tea like everyone else was drinking to warm their chill bones. the conversation reverberated in this wooden tent as he made sense of the day so far ... slowly and then scream, its here he heard. as if on a cue everybody got up to populate the cold exteriors.

as he emerged the vision filled his two tiny eyes. what was before just a pale green vision in the sky was now a shimmering green curtain sprayed across the canvas of sky. as he made his way to a vantage point , his eyes were fixated at the vision above him. it was just surreal, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. the sky lit up all the way to the top with colors of green and a tinge of red at the bottom. and slowly as if to show off what it can do with much pride , the arcs of green patterns started dancing in the sky. the lights were shimmering and parallel curtains formed all over the sky. a green arc formed from one end of the horizon to the other. the arcs radiantly patterened dynamically , never still for a single moment. like the flames lit on a match, these green flames embered by the gods sang to the humans.

he sat slowly on the cold thick sheet of hard snow, sinking to his knees and lied on his back. the black canopy forming the background to the strokes of the brush held in the hand of god. he didnt dare think of anything else , no words formed in his mind to describe this sight. the patterns ebbed and flowed, grey green and a border of red. slowly it faded, receding its magic. the last strokes not as bright but bringing the symphony to an end in a flourish.

just why .. not

let me tell you right away that there is nothing romantic about sitting on the floor outdoors in the cold night of a distant land clasping your cellphone close to your eyes so that the charge wouldnt run out. it feels like a unique moment of disaster waiting to happen, but you rather have it happen.

that was the situation that our man here, lets call him mr.D found himself. mr.D was your run of the mill guy. average looks , a sheepish grin but with a quality unique that might not exist in an human being where he is from. mr.D managed to combine a suave charm into his intelligent wit along with some dance moves thrown into for good measure. mr.D though was a prisoner to his moods and the contemplative fits of reflections that made him the whiny little bitch he can be sometimes.

so thats where you found yourself at the end of the night mr.M his friend asked him. mr.D not taking his eyes off from the monitor on which he had displayed the girls picture nodded vigorously. mr.M looked at mr.K and they both sighed at the unique helpless situation that mr.D found himself in.

lets recount the events shall we mr.M said. wait a minute, interrupted mr.K, D why dont you repeat it in the style of yours.

it was dark, sometimes everything was a blur sometimes and it was not, explained mr.D. he continued, i was there in my element you know .. nothing special but just in that moment. my head was alright but i was feeling a little more happy than usual. it was something about that city really, it was so enthusiastic or just such a nice friendly feeling. like nothing there could hurt me. i could be all stupid and be the brat and yet safe as a poodle. mr.D stopped and took a sip of water. mr.M slightly irritated, get on with it and lets get it done with. okay mr.patient mr.D said. well and then all of a sudden she appeared in my horizon, in the corner of my eyes. as with everything in life you get distracted from whats most important in life. her friend i am guessing shook my hand but left me immediately much to my dismay. i was distraught strictly in a dramatical sense. and then she appeared right in the center of my view. and i for no apparent reason talked to her for a bit , remarking how her friend left me high and dry. then it hit me, it struck me. this is it. the glint in her eye, the smile on her lips and the hair across her forehead captured all the five senses within me. it was like the most natural thing for me to say. would you dance with me, and with a shy agreeable shake in her head she gave me her hand. taking her hand i would lead her into the most engrossing dance i managed to. i forgot about everything around me , because it was only her that filled my field of view. i dont know about her, but the smile on her face conveyed that i should not stop dancing like the way i did. it was fun, we laughed and we shared conversations across that loud dancefloor with our eyes. i knew this was incredibly unfair to me. mr.D looked at mr.M and mr.K and was satisfied with their attention capacities. unfair that this was my last night and i meet her. she went to talk to her friends for a bit. and i felt like the world just turned completely empty for me. i couldnt wait for her to come back and look at me and tell me its alright mr.D i think you are a swell guy. you are a swell guy whom i could fall in love with.

mr.M interrupted, well childlike imagination will only lead you into despair.

mr.D continued, then we went out. out into the unknown world of that distant land. i just followed her steps and i was glad to hear her speak. she said her english was not good, but does it really matter. she already won me over. i talked to her. i wanted to impress her. i wanted her to know everything about me. i wanted to know everything about her. she was so radiant, her smile making everything else around her like the faded flowers in fall. while she shone like a pretty princess in the night, not an arrogant one though .. she had it in her, the quality of a girl. i talked long into the night. about her. hearing her hopes and dreams, her sighs and laughs. and then the moment arrived. she left, she said she has to leave. but not like this i cried, are you going to leave me like this. she took my phone , wrote her name and ran away. and i couldnt believe my luck since my phone battery was at zero. well let me tell you there is nothing romantic about sitting outside on the floor in the cold.

just why .. not , mr.K asked his curiosity piqued.

the prime mover

siddique was puzzled. kamlesh was in quiet contemplation. the winds carried her words with even more force. she adjusted her white dupatta across her petite frame, standing straight she looked at their faces. the darkness slowly enveloped the expressions into a montage of curiosity. the leaves of the tree all around rustled in anticipation. she felt a surge of electricity enveloping her senses. she continued,

the culture of excess exists because its allowed to exist. the culture of consumerism and consumption is by-products of capitalism gone horribly wrong, capitalism is no longer used for whats it intended for. power has become more and more centralized in our democracy citing capitalism. democracy is based on will of the majority to elect peoples representatives who look out for the interests for the broader interest of the community where every single individual is a shareholder. but peoples representatives are now taken over by multinational corporations who have hijacked the interests of the larger sections of society to keep their own personal gardens safe and rich. in a country where more importance is given to the merits of an ipod than the problems associated with poverty and pollution, we should realize the democratic narrative is taken over by the corporation narrative. apple, microsoft, coco-cola while bringing some value to society are doing what they do to protect their self-interest. if apple was so interested in doing good for society why is it none of its products are open-source. anyways the companies originated where it originated from had a need, coco-cola did not originate in the united states when people were still in poverty. at that time the people there thought to improve basic necessities was more important. that should be the dialogue in the media here right now. not obessing ourselves with every gadget, every popular sub-culture of the world. why do people here who claim they want to do good for society not go to the improveished sections of society and tackle problems such as poverty and illiteracy head on. we can gain so much more and society can evolve so much more if only we organize ourselves collectively to prioritize decisions that matter to us .. to them , to people there on the streets. if and when we raise the majority of people to a standard where they dont worry about food, shelter and clothing should we prioritize armchair people sitting in airconditioned offices talking about doing good for society. gandhi said ...

be the change you want to see in the world completed siddique walking towards cristine.

kamlesh arched his eyebrows as he said , so you mean to say.

yes she said. lets resign from our jobs. lets stop living the way we do, in our ensconced shells of pleasure because talking about all this and doing what we do only seems hypocritical. lets organize people into self sustaining cooperatives who can look after themselves without being influenced by the narrow interests of the marketing media who feed us and shape what we want so that we think thats what we need. lets look at amul for inspiration, lets look at gandhi, kurien .. bring them to the people.

kamlesh looked at his watch. its almost time he thought. he looked at siddique, what about the others he asked. should we talk to them about this.

cristine said , i resigned from my job today. i already started the revolution.